


Oblivion

by Enmy



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enmy/pseuds/Enmy
Summary: Naruto tried to commit suicide but was saved by the boy he hated the most. Since then Sasuke kept Naruto away from such dark thoughts and they started a strange relationship that neither could explain.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

Oblivion

Naruto woke up and his blue eyes wandered around the room he was in. He didn't know where he was but it wasn't heaven or hell he was sure about that. He tried to remember what had happened the previous night but most of it was a blur and he had a terrible head ache. Trying to move was a bad idea because the cuts and bruises on his body started to hurt too so he just gave up. Maybe he could sleep this head ache away and figure things out later. He closed his eyes, trying not to focus on the throbbing in his temple when the door opened and Sasuke stepped into the room and leaned against the wall.

"Where am I?" Naruto asked looking at the raven. The fact that Sasuke was there surprised him none the less but he didn't have the energy to show it.

"Do you want me to get you some pain killers?"

"Yeah. One bottle should do the trick and don't bother with the water." Sasuke left the room leaving Naruto with his thoughts again.

No one has ever bothered in school to ask why he always wore baggy clothes or why he had a black eye and he was fine with that. They spread rumors about him that made him laugh but he didn't care. He was comfortable when he was left alone and ignored, when he didn't have to talk about it.

The teachers had sent him to see the school's psychologist and she told him that talking would help but he knew better. Talking wouldn't make him go away, it wouldn't make him stop from abusing him or his mother. And what if he talked? No one would believe him, he made sure about that. He was a respectable man, a lawyer, one of the best in the fucking town and many people looked up to him so when he told them that Naruto was involved with some gang and was taking drugs they believed him right away.

Sure, he was taking drugs, painkillers usually nothing illegal but he was in no gang and wasn't involved in any streets fighting. The rumors spread fast and he soon had quite a reputation without even working for it but it was alright since they all left him alone and some of them even feared him.

Everything changed about a month ago though when the bastard came at their school. He had most certainly heard the rumors but Naruto had caught him staring at him more than once and the teme didn't even try to hide it. He didn't ask questions, which Naruto was grateful for but he made Naruto uncomfortable so he decided to do something about it. They fought a few times at school and that only brought more attention upon them because Sasuke's fan club didn't like the fact that he had bruised the bastard's perfect Greek god like face and that annoyed him even more.

Sasuke was everything he wasn't, everything he will never be. He was popular, good looking and smart but all this came with a nasty personality. The raven was looking down on people and no one was good enough to be his friend or girlfriend. More than half of the girls in school were drooling over him and would do anything for a date but he always ignored them. This 'I'm better than all of you' attitude pissed Naruto off big time and it was just another reason to ruin his perfect face every now and then.

So yes, Naruto was pissed to see the bastard in the same room but his head ache was too distracting to complain.

Sasuke came back in the room and gave him a bottle of painkillers but upon opening it Naruto realized there was just one pill in it. He took it and swallowed it, ignoring the bitter taste.

"You think this will do the trick? I need more."

"No."

Naruto sighed "You still didn't answer my question."

"This is a friend's apartment."

"Great, so you kidnapped me and brought me to a stranger's apartment so that you can both laugh at me and maybe even ruff me up a bit."

"I didn't kidnap you, moron. You dropped out cold on the bridge last night and I brought you here and don't worry my friend is out of town and won't be back until next week." Sasuke said with a cool voice. He always talked like that. His voice was monotone and lacking emotion and Naruto sometimes wondered if he wasn't some kind of robot. He was too perfect and emotionless to be human.

"That's not how I remember it. I definitely remember you punching me." In a blink of an eye Sasuke was on top of him grabbing his shirt.

"You were about to jump into the fucking river, moron." He hissed and Naruto's eyes widened in shock. He had never seen Sasuke lose his temper before. Even when they fought and insulted each other his voice was monotone and his face expressionless to the point that Naruto thought he had no emotions at all whatsoever.

"So?" He couldn't say more without stuttering.

Sasuke let go of his shirt and punched him in the gut. It wasn't hard, Naruto knew that but it hurt like hell since it wasn't the first punch he got there in the last two days. Sasuke was handling him roughly but it was ok, he could handle that without a gasp. What happened next was unexpected though because Sasuke smashed their lips together and Naruto closed his eyes giving into the kiss. He didn't know that Sasuke was gay nor did he care. He knew for sure that he wasn't gay since there was a girl in school that he had liked for years but she was out of his league and a few minutes into their make out session he tried to imagine that it was Sakura that was kissing him. He burst into a fit of laughter just as Sasuke moved to kiss his neck making the raven stop and give him a cold glare.

"Sorry." He managed to say "I just thought of something stupid."

"You would do that wouldn't you?" Sasuke mumbled "What?" he asked a bit louder with a demanding tone.

"Nothing….it's stupid." Naruto tried to brush it off.

"What?" Sasuke asked again.

"I imagined that you were Sakura-chan for a moment there but then I can't imagine her being so rough." If the confession hurt Sasuke, Naruto couldn't tell because the raven's expression was as blank as ever. He didn't care if Sasuke was hurt though but he was curious."

"Well I'm not." Was all that Sasuke said before taking off the bandages on his cheeks. He looked at Naruto for a moment as if trying to get used to the fresh whisker like cuts on his cheeks making Naruto nervous. He hated it when people stared at him and Sasuke was doing that a lot.

"What?" Naruto asked looking into the obsidian eyes but Sasuke leaned closer and licked one of the cuts with the tip of his tongue making Naruto shiver. The blonde wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck. He didn't know why he was letting this happen but it was distracting him so it was ok. Anything that made him forget about him, about the fact that in a few more hours he will have to go home again and get the shit beaten out of him again was ok. Anything…

"Take your shirt off." Sasuke's demanding voice brought him back from oblivion and he smirked.

"Are you going to rape me now?"

"Don't be a moron. If I wanted to rape you I would have done it a long time ago. I just want to see them."

"No." Sasuke's hand moved under his shirt lifting it slightly but the raven's eyes were locked on his.

"You're in no position to refuse, do you realize that?" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand preventing it from moving upwards. "What are you afraid of?"

"Nothing."

"Liar." Naruto diverted his gaze at the window. Sasuke was right, he was a liar and a coward.

"You'll think I'm weak." He confessed. He was ashamed that he couldn't do anything, that he couldn't fight back, that he couldn't kill the son of a bitch that called himself his father.

"I fought you more than once and I know you're not weak."

"I can't fight him when he threatens to hurt mom." Cupping his cheek with his hand, Sasuke turned his head around and brought their lips together once again. His leg that rest between Naruto's touched a sensitive spot making the blonde gasp and wrap his arms around Sasuke's neck once again. Sasuke's hand that was still under his shirt moved on his chest leaving his belly uncovered. If Sasuke decided to look then he would see the scars and bruises that Naruto already knew so well. The scars he would see every time he changed clothes or showered, the proof of his weakness. Sasuke didn't look though.

"Take it off." He whispered into Naruto's ear before he licked it then got up to stand beside the bed and watched Naruto closely. His shirt was already lifted, revealing enough already so taking it off couldn't do more damage. Hesitating slightly Naruto got up and took off his shirt.

"Why did you save me?" Naruto asked closing his eyes to hide the tears that were forming in the blue orbs.

"Because I wanted to release some steam."

"So you just wanted a fuck?"

"It was a joke Naruto. I saved you because you're like me." Naruto's eyes opened and his fist was directed with precision at the raven's head but Sasuke dodged it with a swift graceful motion.

"I'm nothing like you." Naruto roared "I don't butt into other people's lives and I don't stare at them no matter how weird or ugly they are."

"No, but you tried to kill yourself. We have that in common." Naruto's expression softened a bit. Mister perfect had tried to kill himself? Why? He looked like the kid who had everything he wanted and he could also have the perfect girlfriends but maybe he didn't want that since he was gay.

"How?"

"Drowning, cutting and overdose, four times in total. I tried overdose twice." He was talking about his own suicide attempt and stayed unfazed making Naruto wonder if he was insane.

"Why?"

"My brother killed my parents then committed suicide."

"It's a miracle he didn't try to kill you too."

Sasuke lifted his black sweater and the shirt beneath to reveal a patch of darker skin on the otherwise perfect abdomen. "He stabbed me but missed the vitals. He failed so I tried to finish off what he started." Naruto looked at the pink spot that tainted Sasuke's pale skin. He reached to touch it and was surprised that the raven let him.

"Shouldn't you take your shirt off too?" Naruto wanted to see everything. If Sasuke cut then the scars were likely to be on his wrists.

Sasuke smirked. "Do you like what you see? I didn't think you swing that way." Naruto dropped his hand.

"I don't but although you knew that you still kissed me."

"You didn't complain." Sasuke found it amusing to mess with the blonde and he figured he could do it all day long and never get tired of it but Sasuke wasn't dumb. He knew Naruto's reason to ask him to take his shirt off was the same as his so he complied. The clean cuts on his wrists were revealed as he took his shirt off.

"Why did you stop? Don't you still want to die?" Now that he had seen it all Naruto didn't pity the raven and he knew that Sasuke wouldn't want his pity either if they thought alike.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist and leaned on his shoulder. Naruto could feel the warm breath on his neck and it was comforting and soothing in a weird way. It was almost as if someone cared about him. Of course Sasuke didn't care about him, he couldn't and Naruto would have to punch the teme in the face if he dared tell him otherwise. "Who said I stopped? I just got distracted for now." He chose a sensitive spot on the nape of Naruto's neck and started to suck on it biting slightly a few times and making Naruto grit his teeth but the pain was welcomed.

"Is this your distraction?" Naruto put his hands on the raven's hips and tilted his head to give Sasuke better access. "'Cause if it is it won't last."

Sasuke pushed Naruto against the wall making him wince in pain at the contact with the cold, hard surface and pinned his wrists against the wall. "Why? Are you going to run into Sakura-chan's arms so that she can make all the pain go away or will you go back home for round two?" he licked Naruto's cheek again "Or will you try to jump from the bridge again?"

"I'll have to go home eventually since I'm still alive."

"Is that what you want?"

Want? How could Sasuke think that he wanted to go home? But since he was still alive where else could he go? It was either going home or try to commit suicide again. "Fuck you."

"Are you sure you want that?" Sasuke brought a hand down to his more sensitive parts to tease him and rubbed slowly. Naruto wanted to yell at him to stop but at the same time he didn't want Sasuke to stop. He let out a moan that he didn't want to be heard by the raven and closed his eyes. Sasuke closed the distance between them and kissed him while his hand undid the zipper of Naruto's jeans. Naruto was panting and was glad that the fabric of his boxers was still standing between his skin and Sasuke's hand or else he would lose his sanity.

"That's not what I meant." He moaned when Sasuke broke the kiss for air.

"I know." Sasuke moved to lick on a nipple with the tip of his tongue and Naruto raised his chest for more contact with the wet muscle. It did not take long for Sasuke to release his wrists and suck on the nipple. Naruto put his hands in the black hair to prevent Sasuke from moving away, his anger completely gone.

Sasuke pulled back and sat on the floor while Naruto fell on top of him exhausted and still panting. "You can run away!" Sasuke told the blonde who was resting his head on the raven's shoulder.

"I can't leave mom. He'll hurt her."

"He'll kill you if you don't."

"That's ok. My life is over anyway. With these scars I can't hope to ever get married and for some time I've been even questioning my sanity."

"None of us is sane, so what?" Sasuke lifted Naruto's head and kissed him gently, licking on his bottom lip. "Stay here for a few days and think about it."

"I can't. He'll look for me and he'll find me."

"I can get your mom in a safe place. Don't give him more power over you."

"Sasuke….why are you doing this?" Naruto felt tired and defeated by fate and just wanted a bit of normality in his life, he wanted things to make sense for once.

"Because I can." Naruto gave him a sad smile glad that he hadn't said 'because I love you'.

Naruto walked into the bathroom and turning the water on he put his wrists under the cold jet. Closing his eyes he let his head lean back and waited for his hands to become numb. His wrists were bruised after he had to spend the previous night tied to the bed and the pain bothered him during the entire first class. He had to find a painkiller somewhere.

He splashed some cold water on his face in an attempt to wake up. He didn't get much sleep the previous night, obviously and today was a school day.

"Congratulations, you're all over the news." Turning around he saw Sasuke walk his way with his hands in his pockets. He stopped one step away from Naruto and presented him a bottle of painkillers that he had in his jacket's pocket. Naruto eyed it hungrily, he needed them. "I assume that was another one of his perfect lies."

Naruto reached for the bottle but Sasuke moved it out of his reach.

That day when he was saved by Sasuke he went home and was taken to the hospital where he stayed for a few days before coming back to school. His father had told the police that he had been kidnapped by a few members of the Akatsuki gang and branded with the cuts on his cheeks as well as other cuts and bruises all over his body.

Sasuke took a pill from the bottle and put it on his tongue then pulled Naruto into a kiss licking his lower lip. Naruto opened his mouth and Sasuke' tongue slid in only to be caught between Naruto's lips and sucked onto. The bitter taste of the painkiller invaded his mouth and he almost moaned relieved that the pain will soon go away.

"How can you take that shit without washing it with water? It's too bitter."

"I'm used to it. Don't you ever take painkillers?"

"I use pain to make everything else go away. I need it."

"Does it work?"

"For a while but then so does this." Sasuke shoved Naruto in one of the bathroom stalls and locked the door. Naruto fell on the toilet seat and Sasuke smashed their lips together again. Sasuke was never gentle or tender and Naruto knew that this was just a way for both of them to get rid of the pain but it was ok as long as it worked, as long as he could forget. When Sasuke moved to suck and lick his neck, Naruto moaned. He forgot all about the pain in his wrists or about the fact that he was tired.

"Wanna skip class?" he managed to ask between moaning and panting.

Sasuke gave his neck one last slow lick before pulling back. "If I do that for you it will cost you."

"You want me to pay you?" Sasuke just looked at him "What do you want?"

"Tell me what he does to you." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Isn't that obvious. You've seen it."

"I want to know how, I want you to relive it all over again." Sasuke's gaze was piercing him and he couldn't look into the obsidian eyes anymore.

"He tells me that it's all for my own good that it's part of my education and that he…" Naruto paused as he almost choked with his own saliva. He couldn't say it but Sasuke grabbed his chin and turned his head so that their eyes met again "…that he loves me." He had said it and he felt like throwing up the breakfast he never had but instead he grabbed Sasuke's hair and pulled him into another kiss. That had to make him forget.

After a while they pulled back for air and Sasuke took the opportunity to find out more "Did he ever touch you? This was going to be a long day.

"He's not gay and he would kill me if he knew about this."

"This?"

"Yeah….this…whatever this is it looks gay."

"So?"

"Your fan club would stay in line to kill me."

"If we skip school we'll have to go somewhere else." The two of them left the bathroom a few minutes after class started and managed to get out of school without being seen. Sasuke took him to the same apartment he had been in before and went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

"Shouldn't you be telling me your story?" Naruto broke the silence and he watched Sasuke move around in the kitchen.

"That's not how it works, dobe. You asked for a favor and you have to pay. I didn't ask you for anything."

"You're a bastard you know that?"

Sasuke put two cups of steaming coffee on the table. "So I've been told." He took one cup and sipped from it slowly.

"Isn't that too bitter for you?" Naruto teased him since he saw that Sasuke didn't add sugar in his coffee.

"There's no milk in the fridge."

"You know…when you came to our school I would have never believed that we would ever do this. I always found you annoying especially since you would stare at me."

"Did you change your mind?" Naruto finished the rest of his coffee in one gulp and put the cup in the sink.

"No, I still don't like you." Sasuke put his still half full cup on the table and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist.

"Seeing how much you hate 'I love yous' I'll take that as a compliment."

"Don't because it wasn't. All this is just a distraction for both of us."

"It just is…why do you have to name it?"

"Don't people always name relationships? Friends, lovers, enemies, rivals…"

"I don't need a name for it but you can call it whatever you like."

"I was never good enough for him. My grades were not the best, I wasn't good enough at sports, I wasn't in the student council…. I had to be punished for that, I had to do better, work harder. My mom's fault was that she gave me bad genes and she had to be punished too. But no matter what I'm his son and he loves me and I should never forget that." Naruto let his tears fall as he felt a pain in his chest.

Sasuke pushed Naruto on a sofa and sat on his lap then took the blonde's shirt off and Naruto didn't complain. Anything was better than remembering that. Sasuke licked a pink nipple then sucked on it and Naruto let out a moan. He was sensitive there and Sasuke took advantage of that. He shifted so that their lower parts were touching and Naruto gasped at the sudden weight but he didn't hate it nor did he feel disgusted. Sasuke licked some if the scars on his chest and the wetness sent Naruto to oblivion once again.

"How come you never asked me to do anything for you?" Naruto and Sasuke were on the couch and the blonde's head was on Sasuke's chest. As they lay there Naruto couldn't help but think about their relationship because he still couldn't figure out what Sasuke had to gain out of this, how was all this helping Sasuke forget?

"And what do you think you could do for me?"

"I could do what you do if you asked me to." Sasuke ruffled his golden hair and smirked.

"You're not gay." Naruto punched him slightly.

"No, but I figured that you would like that since you are gay."

"You're such a moron. I don't want you to do anything for me. I just want to forget that night."

"Can I help you forget it?"

"No but you can make it bearable."

"How?"

"Just be there so I can find you when I need you."

"That's not too much."

"That's all that matters.

"I wonder if you find me when you need it or when I need it because you always appear when I need you."

The days went by and Naruto and Sasuke never spoke in class, they would both act like they didn't even know each other except for the occasional fights that didn't even hold the same hatred and venom that they once did. Naruto figured that he liked whatever he had with Sasuke. There were no feelings, promises or commitments just bitter painkillers and sweet oblivion. He was actually looking forward to going to school.

That all changed one day though when he saw the edge of the white bandages under the long navy blue sleeves of Sasuke's shirt. It was only for a brief moment when Sasuke raised his hand to give the teacher his homework but it was enough to haunt Naruto's thoughts for the entire class.

When recess came instead of leaving the room like everyone else did, Naruto jumped on Sasuke and pushed him into the wall with a thud, pinning him there.

"Show me your wrists!" He wasn't loud since he wanted his reasons to be kept private from the group of students that gathered around them to watch the little show.

Sasuke did not react in any way which pissed Naruto off so he began throwing a few punches at the taller boy. Sasuke took them all, enjoying the pain they caused but when he had enough he wrapped his long, pale fingers around Naruto's neck. Some of the students gathered around them cheered for him and some girls squealed but Sasuke only saw Naruto.

"Don't stand in my way, dobe." Releasing Naruto's neck he walked out of the room and it took Naruto a few moments to pull himself back together before he followed the raven down the corridor. Sasuke was not getting away so easily.

Sasuke did not expect to get away easily either. Stopping in front of the closed door of a storage room he waited for Naruto to catch up with him. He took a key out of his pocket and opened the door.

"You have some nerve, teme." Naruto said when they were all alone behind the once again locked door. "You stopped me from killing myself and now you try to do it again. What the fuck?"

"It's just a scratch, moron. I wasn't trying to actually kill myself, I just wanted the fucking dreams to go away."

"Nightmares?" Naruto asked puzzled and Sasuke nodded.

"It's been two years and I'm still having them." Grabbing Sasuke's shoulders Naruto pressed his lips against Sasuke's. It was a soft and shy kiss, nothing like the ones Sasuke gave him but he felt awkward and weird and he didn't know what to do.

He wanted to do something for Sasuke but he didn't know what nor why did he feel the need to help.

"Sorry for punching you before." Naruto's hand went under Sasuke's shirt where he had punched him earlier.

"It's ok, I needed that. Are you alright though? You're acting weird."

"I am not." Naruto pouted feeling insulted. Did Sasuke realize how uncomfortable he was?

"Yes you are but I can take care of that." Unzipping Naruto's jeans he slid his hand inside the blonde's boxers.

"What…what are you doing?" Naruto stuttered and Sasuke smirked.

"I'm making myself feel better by teasing you."

"Bastard." Sasuke's fingers caressed him and Naruto's hand was still on Sasuke's chest, the skin to skin contact making him go crazy. It wasn't pleasure; he was far from calling it that, it was what he called oblivion. Sasuke's fingers wrapped around him and stroke him gently. It was the first time Sasuke had been gentle he noticed but it was ok. He was panting when Sasuke stopped and he lost contact with the warm fingers. Opening his eyes he looked at Sasuke demanding a silent explanation but Sasuke pushed him backwards on an old couch and took his shirt off. His hand moved back in Naruto's pants while his tongue was letting a wet trail on Naruto's chest.

"Is that better?" He eventually asked the now flustered boy beneath him.

"Don't do that again." The blonde said still panting.

"Don't do what again?"

"Cut…"

"I'll make no such promise, Uzumaki."

"I want to see them."

"Why?"

"Damn it Sasuke, just show me." Sasuke took off his shirt and undoing the bandages he revealed the new additions on his arm. Naruto grabbed his hand and licked along the pink line. It stung but Sasuke welcomed the pain like he always did. When he was done Naruto moved to Sasuke's chest and teased his nipples with his tongue.

"You're not supposed to do that, remember? Besides I'm not as sensitive there as you are."

"Then I need to find your sensitive spot."

"You don't have to force yourself to do anything, dobe. You're doing it just because this cut messed with your brain."

Naruto pondered on Sasuke's words and realized that he was right. He just wanted to send Sasuke to oblivion like Sasuke sent him and he never thought the same thing would not work on the raven although he was gay. He felt helpless and Sasuke wasn't giving him any clue on what he was supposed to do.

"Don't you want this?"

"This?"

"The kissing, touching…"

"Not if you force yourself to do it."

Sasuke woke up around midnight panting and sweating. His hand reached the scar that still hurt. He had dreamed again the night when he watched his parents being killed before he was stabbed by his own brother and he woke up in pain like always. Getting out of his bed he went into the kitchen for a glass of cold water. There was no way he would sleep again that night so he turned on the TV flipping the channels and sipping his water. Something on the news made him stop from changing the channel and he let the remote fall on the sofa beside him.

The name Uzumaki Minato was written in big yellow letters along with the word 'murdered'. Sasuke's thoughts drifted to Naruto who had not been in school for two days.

The reporter was saying something about the lawyer being stabbed by his wife and killed in cold blood by the insane woman. She didn't fail to add her own speculations about the sentence the wife might get but Sasuke could care less. He was dead and Naruto was safe and that's all that mattered.

Later that day he went to school and found Naruto sitting in a corner in the dark corridor.

"It's over now." Naruto raised his head to meet his gaze.

"Yeah."

"You'll be ok." Sasuke passed by the blonde heading to their classroom when the blonde's voice stopped him in his track.

"So that's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're going to pretend that you don't know me now?"

"No but you don't need oblivion anymore." Naruto stood up and Sasuke could tell that he felt hurt.

"Don't you need me anymore though?" Sasuke approached him until their chests almost touched and cupped his cheeks with his warm hands.

"You're free Naruto, you can have your normal life now. You can get a girlfriend or something and go on with your life but I can't. You can forget about me."

"Does that mean that you need me?" Naruto put a hand over Sasuke's and leaned into his touch.

"I need you to be you."

"But don't you also need me to fill an empty space in your life?" Sasuke leaned closer and kissed him tenderly like never before.

"This was the last time, don't forget it." He would never tell the blonde that he loved him or that he needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto arrived in school early. Leaving early and going home late became a habit for him since he lived alone. It felt weird to see the house so empty all the time and he couldn't bare at. There were so many memories in that house that haunted him at night that he felt he was losing his mind.

Wasn't he supposed to heal now that he was gone? Wasn't he supposed to start a new life now? Why couldn't he do that? He wondered if this was similar to what Sasuke was going through since his family died.

He washed his face with cold water and ran his fingers through golden bangs.

"You look like shit." The sudden intruder startled him but it was just Sasuke so it was ok. They hadn't talked in two weeks and he had two weeks to think about their last conversation, the one that wasn't really finished from his point of view since there were so many unanswered questions.

"Thanks."

He didn't approach Sasuke after that since he felt that he owed it to Sasuke to figure out what the raven had meant to tell him. He couldn't go back to him unless he understood Sasuke's feelings.

"It wasn't a compliment, idiot."

"You should be used to seeing me looking like shit. I'm fine but I could use some sleeping pills."

Sasuke leaned against the door casually "You always need pills. Maybe you should try something else for once."

Naruto shook his head "I don't think oblivion will solve this one."

"I wasn't talking about that. So what is it? Nightmares?"

"That too…I don't know…the house is too empty and I'm not used to that. There's always been screaming and yelling and beating."

"Why don't you move in with me then? My apartment is also pretty empty so there's plenty of room for two."

Naruto burst in a fit of laughter. "Since I hadn't slept well in weeks that sounds tempting but I shouldn't decide something like that in haste…I mean I don't even know where we stand."

"Wouldn't it be easier for you to figure that out if we lived in the same house?"

"Maybe but I should really think about it after I get some sleep."

"Do you want to skip today? You don't look like you could handle school for an entire day."

Naruto smiled "Is that a request because you'll have to pay if it is." He teased the raven.

"It was a question but just out of curiosity what would you want?"

"A sleeping pill." Sasuke rolled his eyes and opening his backpack he took a bottle of sleeping pills.

"This is what I take. They're strong so don't take more than one at once." He threw the bottle at Naruto who barely caught it and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Naruto went closer to him and grabbed his wrist "Let's skip."

Less than half an hour later they were both in Sasuke's apartment and the raven was making tea. Naruto watched him move around the kitchen like he had done before but this time he was deep in thoughts. His life had always been messed up but lately it's been more messed up than usual and although things drastically changed in the past two weeks since his mother went to jail it still stayed messed up. His past was haunting him; his father's words were edged deep in his mind and were messing with everything he knew to be normal. And then there was Sasuke, the boy he hated, the boy who saved him and made his life bearable, the boy who was willing to get out of his life entirely now that his father was dead and he was no longer abused, the boy he still needed…

"What?" It was strange for the blonde to be so quiet so Sasuke had to ask.

"Nothing…I was just thinking."

"I knew I smelled fried brain."

Naruto pouted "That's mean."

"Thinking doesn't suit you."

"But it suits you?"

"Yes. So what were you thinking about?"

"How do you make the nightmares go away?" Sasuke gave him a cup of hot tea and took a sip from his own.

"You don't."

"When he died I thought it was all over. Mom and I were finally safe and we could live like normal people. Now mom is in jail and I can't forget the past. Everything in that house reminds me of him, of what he did to us."

"Naruto…what happened that day?" Naruto's eyes were focused on the cup of tea that he was holding with both hands but he wasn't seeing it, he could only feel its warmth. In front of his eyes were replayed those last moments in full detail.

"I was late and he demanded to know where I was. I told him I was with a friend but he didn't believe me. He accused me of sleeping around and said that I probably left some girl pregnant and ruined his reputation. That I should be focusing on my studies not on girls and that he would find a suitable girl for me when the time was right…." He began to tremble slightly when he saw his father take the knife from the drawer in the kitchen. "He pointed the knife at me and tried to take my pants off. I tried to fight him but he was stronger. The next thing I remember was when he fell on his knees after mom has stabbed him from behind. I managed to get the knife away from him and she stabbed him two more times until he fell on the floor." A warm hand on his cheek made him raise his gaze to look in Sasuke's obsidian eyes.

"It's ok. Drink the tea and try to get some sleep."

When Naruto woke up it was already dark and he panicked for a moment before he remembered that there would be no consequences if he goes home late unless Sasuke was angry with him for not leaving earlier. He took the sleeping pill when he got there and after drinking the hot tea he fell asleep on Sasuke's couch and now he could say that he felt much better.

"I wasn't expecting you to wake up so early." Sasuke was standing in the kitchen door with a cup in his hands.

"What time is it?"

"Around midnight."

"Fuck. Sorry, I didn't mean to stay for so long." Sasuke went to sit next to him on the couch.

"It's ok, I don't mind. Did you sleep well?" Naruto nodded.

"No dreams no nothing. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I was for a while." Naruto moved closer to the raven and rest his head on Sasuke's shoulder.

"So you drink coffee when you have nightmares?" Sasuke wrapped an arm around him so they could both be more comfortable. "Sometimes….sometimes I drink just water but I usually don't go back to sleep." Naruto turned to look at him.

"Do you want me to make you feel better?" Sasuke gave him a skeptic look.

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"You know…"

"No I don't, that's why I'm asking." Naruto's hand slid under Sasuke's shirt but his eyes never broke contact with Sasuke's. "I thought we talked about this."

"I know but I want to. I won't do anything I'm not ready for."

"Why? Is it because you feel sorry for me or because you feel that you owe me something?" He didn't know why himself. Maybe it was out of curiosity and maybe he also felt bad that he couldn't do anything for the raven.

"Isn't it enough that I want to?"

"No. I don't want your pity."

"I know that…" Naruto yelled "I don't want yours either" he continued on a lower voice "I just want to know what you need, what you want." He looked at the raven with pleading, sad eyes and Sasuke softened up a bit.

"I'm never going to get what I want." Naruto's hand reached for a pale cheek.

"What is it?"

"I just want my brother back."

"Don't you hate him for what he did?" Sasuke shook his head.

"He was the best brother I could ever wish for."

Naruto was confused. How could Sasuke think that the boy who stabbed him was the best brother he could have? "Tell me about him."

"My parents were very strict, especially father. I know he loved us and all but I wish that he would let us decide things for ourselves sometimes. He wanted Itachi to work at his company and get ready to take over when father decided to step down and retire. Itachi was brilliant and exceeded father's expectations but he was not happy. Itachi was a dreamer not a businessman and he wanted to play with his band." Sasuke let out a sad smile "He had this band with two of our cousins, Obito and Shisui but they needed more members to get to the level he wanted. He never had enough time to organize auditions and recruit though. Things went out of hand when father told him that he had found someone for him to marry and Itachi was never the same again." Sasuke took a few sips from his coffee under Naruto's watchful eyes.

"Was he in love with someone?" the blonde asked eventually since Sasuke was taking his time and the raven nodded.

"He never told our parents about it because his lover was a guy, our own cousin Shisui. Father would have killed both of them if he knew. Although Itachi sacrificed his music career for father's company he wouldn't sacrifice his love life too and that was when he did it…he killed them. Knowing that I would suffer without my family he tried to kill me too but failed. I think he couldn't really kill me though." Naruto grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. You know…I thought that I could fill that empty space in your life that was left by your family but I don't think I can anymore. I don't think I can compare to your brother."

Sasuke put his empty cup on the coffee table and wrapped his arms around Naruto. "You don't have to fill their space because you have your own space in my life now, just fill that." Naruto looked in his eyes for a while as if trying to detect a lie in the raven's words then slowly closed the distance between them and kissed Sasuke. The raven leaned into it and they kissed for a while before Naruto pulled back and licked his lips.

"You know….I just can't get that last kiss you gave me after father's death out of my head."

"Why?"

Naruto shrugged "It was different, like it meant something and you also told me not to forget it so I didn't." Sasuke smirked.

"I'm glad you didn't."

"So…what does it mean, why did it feel so different?"

"Because I didn't give you the kiss you needed, I gave you the kiss I needed. I stole it from you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you." Naruto's blue eyes went wide and he felt sick to his stomach so he rushed into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He was panting and he grabbed the sink on both sides to prevent him from collapsing on the cold tiles on the floor.

Raising his gaze he looked into the mirror at his reflection, at the scars that were proof of love. It was the only love he knew and if Sasuke felt like carving him too… He shook his head in protest at the thought. Sasuke would never do that. There was a knock on the door and Sasuke asked him if he was alright but he didn't have the strength to answer instead he leaned against the door just in case Sasuke felt like entering.

"Naruto, I wouldn't hurt you like he did. I know you hate those words but you need to know. I need you to know."

Naruto opened the door and he was angry. "Look at me Sasuke." His shirt was gone and his scars were clearly visible in the bathroom light "How can you love this?"

"I just can."

"That's a lie." Sasuke pulled him by the wrist and kissed him like he had done so many times before until he felt Naruto relax a bit.

"I won't take you to oblivion this time Naruto, you have to face this on your own."

"But I need to forget."

"No, not this time."

Naruto and Sasuke saw each other in school every day but they didn't talk to each other. Naruto was avoiding the raven and Sasuke decided to give him some space. He wondered if he had said too much too fast but he needed Naruto to know and Nartuo too needed to sort his feelings out because his confusion was driving Sasuke crazy.

He knew that Naruto knew what love was supposed to be like in theory but he associated it with violence and Sasuke didn't know how to change that. Maybe he couldn't, maybe only time could. He knew he would need patience and fortunately he had plenty of that.

Naruto acted strange after a while. He went as far as asking Sakura on a date. Big mistake since the pink haired girl was in Sasuke's fan club and the raven watched the heart broken blonde walk back to his seat with a sad expression on his face and lean on the desk with his face buried in his elbow to hide his tears.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Sasuke asked Naruto one day when he couldn't watch the broken blonde anymore.

"Why am I doing what?"

"Why are you chasing Sakura?"

"I like her, isn't it obvious?"

"What's obvious is that you're wasting your time."

"Because she likes you?" Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Because she thinks she likes me. She doesn't even know me and I bet that if she knew about the scars I have she would freak out in a second."

Naruto shook his head "She's not that shallow."

Sasuke called Sakura over to Naruto's desk and seeing her excitement when he called her name disgusted him but he had to prove a point.

"What can I do for you Sasuke?" She purred and Sasuke had to try hard to keep his cool expression.

"I want to tell you a secret. Can I trust you not to tell anyone?"

She looked at Naruto as if telling him to leave because this was between her and Sasuke alone but the blonde didn't seem to get the hint and stayed. "Of course I won't tell."

"What would you say that I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists?"

She looked at him shocked then shook her head "I don't believe you. Why would you do that?"

"I just wanted to know what it's like." Sasuke raised his sleeve and showed her the scars, his black eyes following closely how her expression changed from disbelieve to horror.

"Oh my God." She ran back to her friends, still shaken and Sasuke covered his wrist once again.

"You were right. She's not shallow at all." His voice did not change at all but Naruto didn't miss the sarcasm in his words.

"I guess in the end you are all I have."

"Is it that bad?"

"Damn it Sasuke. If I was gay I would fuck you on the spot. You're hot no one can deny that, not even a straight guy."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"No, I guess not."

Naruto went to Sasuke's apartment for the weekend and officially started the weekend with a movie.

"So what do you want to do tomorrow?" Naruto asked as the list of actors began to roll on the TV screen.

"I usually do the homework on Saturdays."

"Are you serious?"

"Sure. Why?" Naruto banged his head against the back of the couch a few times and Sasuke watched him rather amused.

"Everybody knows that homework is done on Sunday evening. It should be a rule or something."

"Well it's not."

"How about we do something fun."

"Like what?"

"I don't know… what do you do for fun?"

"I tease you."

"I'm serious Sasuke."

"Me too."

"You're not helping here."

"Well then how about this?" Sasuke pushed Naruto on his back and moving on top of him he started to kiss the blonde. Naruto closed his eyes and kissed back. His hands moved in Sasuke's hair and on the back of his neck to pull him closer.

"Do you still pretend you're kissing her?" Sasuke asked when they broke the kiss for air. Naruto opened his eyes and looked into the obsidian ones.

"It won't work, besides it's ok even if it's you."

"Because it's just a kiss?"

"Because it's nice. Didn't you say once that you don't like to name things like just a kiss or more than a kiss?"

"I did but I need to know what it means for you."

"I'm still figuring out but don't let that stop you." Sasuke felt a bit hurt but if Naruto was ok with it he would wait for him. Sasuke took his shirt off then helped Naruto do the same then sucked on Naruto's neck getting a moan out of the blonde. Satisfied, he chose a spot on the crook of the blonde's neck and bit it, making Naruto gasp in pain and tilt his head to give the raven better access.

"You like that don't you?"

"You left a mark, teme." Sasuke licked the spot he bit before "You reveal your pretty neck then you complain?"

"Shut up."

"You want me to shut up but you don't want me to stop?"

"You're annoying."

Sasuke's hand went down to undo the blonde's pants and pull the zipper then he slid his hand to grab Naruto. Naruto let out another moan and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck. The raven's tongue on his neck and his hand stimulating him made Naruto go crazy with both fear and pleasure.

"How far do you want me to go?" Sasuke asked when he felt that he had his own problem to take care of.

"How far do you want to go?" Naruto asked still panting.

"I want to have you and I want you to have me too but I won't do it unless you want me to."

"Are you sure because if we do it things will never be the same between us?"

"I'm sure. The question is whether you are sure."

"Ok." Sasuke discarded all their clothes in a hurry. Licking his fingers he inserted one inside the blonde earning a gasp.

"Relax, you need to loosen up or it will hurt." After thrusting a few times he inserted another finger and stretched making the blonde pant.

"This is weird."

"I have to do this if I don't want to hurt you too much so bear with it." After the third finger went in he felt satisfied and positioned himself at the edge. "Are you sure about this?"

Naruto tensed up a bit but nodded. "I'll do it slowly." He pushed himself deeper into the blonde watching his expression carefully. He was in pain and Sasuke stopped now and then to give Naruto time to adjust until he went all the way inside and the blonde moaned. He began to thrust slowly over and over then faster. His lips moved to Naruto's nipples sucking and licking gently hoping that it would make up for the pain that he caused to his blonde.

When his fluids filled the blonde's inside he got out and kissed Naruto gently before pushing Naruto inside of him earning a gasp from the blonde.

"What the fuck Sasuke? You're going to hurt yourself." Naruto yelled at him as he tried to adjust to the tightness around him.

"It's ok. I need it to hurt."

"You're such a bastard. So you're using me as a replacement for cutting?"

"You're not a replacement for anything, idiot. I just can't live without pain."

"But you force me to live without oblivion. You make me be fully aware that I'm doing it for the first time with a guy. Shouldn't you be giving up that self-inflicted pain too just to make things fare?"

"Naruto, this hurts either way but if you want me to promise that I won't cut anymore I'll do it."

"You will?"

"Yes. If I have you I think I can."

After a while Sasuke fell on top of the blonde exhausted, baring his face in the crook on Naruto's neck. The blonde wrapped his arms around him and closing his eyes he enjoyed Sasuke's warm breath on his neck.

"Are you ok?" Sasuke asked eventually.

"Yeah."

When Sasuke woke up he was surprised to see that the sun was already up. He had slept all night without any nightmares and Naruto was still there beside him.

"Why are you so happy early in the morning?" Shifting his gaze he saw that Naruto was awake.

"I was glad that I didn't have nightmares for once. Did you sleep well?"

"I didn't take a second sleeping pill."

"I didn't think you would need one after last night."

"After that you think I could just sleep it off?"

"Yeah."

Naruto got up and picking up his clothes he went to take a shower. He let the warm water fall on his face for a while before running his fingers through his hair. What was he doing? Why did he agree to do it with Sasuke the previous night? To forget, a voice in his head said. Or maybe to give Sasuke what he wanted. But Sasuke didn't want it if he had to force himself to do it. It felt nice though but it also felt wrong. Why was he doing this to Sasuke, why was he hurting him? Sasuke didn't deserve it, he deserved better. He turned the cold water and stayed under the cold jet until he began to shiver then stepped out of the shower.

Sasuke had made breakfast and was waiting for him to come out. "Are you alright?" he asked when he saw the sad expression on his blonde's face.

"Yeah but we need to talk."

"Sure." Sasuke put two plates on the table for both of them and went to grab the coffee and food that he made. "What do you want to talk about? Last night?"

"Did you like it?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I think it was a mistake. I can't feel about you the same way you do and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Sasuke grabbed his shirt "Do you really know how I feel about you?" he hissed startling the blonde.

"Y-yeah" he stuttered "You said that you loved me."

"But do you even know what that means, moron? Or you do but you don't believe me?"

"Sasuke…" Naruto didn't try do get out of the raven's grip but not because he was not afraid, it was because he knew it was his fault that Sasuke was angry.

Sasuke let go of his shirt and left the kitchen going to the bathroom where he closed the door with the lock. Naruto took a seat at the table and burying his face in hands he began to cry.

Sometime later Sasuke returned into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame with his hands folded across his chest.

"Why are you crying?"

Naruto raised his blue eyes to look at Sasuke and whipped his tears with the back of his sleeve. "I'm sorry….I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

"I thought I told you I didn't need your pity." There was an awkward moment between them before Sasuke spoke again. "Do you know what I don't understand?" Naruto gave him a confused look. "You wanted it and you seemed to like it too."

"I did want it and I did like it…"

"But I'm a guy, is that it?"

"No." Naruto yelled wanting to assure Sasuke that it was not the raven's fault but that would be a lie. "I don't know, Sasuke…"

"Well let me tell you something. If you want oblivion I'll give it to you because that's ok, right? You don't mind that I'm a guy when I push you around." Naruto looked at him confused. Sasuke had made it clear that he didn't want to do that anymore but now he had changed his mind. A part of him felt relieved since it was something he still needed in his messed up life but he couldn't help wondering what made the raven change his mind. "Now eat up!" Sasuke grabbed his now cold coffee and left the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Naruto asked concerned.

"I always do homework on Saturday, remember?"

"Yeah but aren't you going to eat first?"

"I never eat breakfast."

Naruto was left alone in the kitchen and he felt miserable. That was when he realized that he didn't know much about Sasuke's habits, likes and dislikes, the ordinary small stuff that makes a person who they are. They had only talked about their problems, their traumas and attempts to get away but not the small stuff.

Sasuke had done so much for him and even made him breakfast although he apparently thrived on coffee. He didn't want to eat alone but he was hungry and maybe he should give the raven some space. Maybe he should finish eating then tell Sasuke that he was leaving. Maybe it was for the best although it wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to go back home because he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the raven anyway in the loneliness of his home. He snorted. Was that place really a home anymore, had it been a home for him? Wasn't home a place where you wanted to be, where you would be comfortable?

Hesitating a little, he knocked on Sasuke's door but there was no answer. He panicked, thinking of the worst and opened the door slightly only to reveal Sasuke sitting at his desk with books and paper in front of him. He relaxed seeing that Sasuke had not done anything drastic and that he was fine.

"Do you want me to leave?" Sasuke turned around to look at him for a brief moment.

"Do you want to leave?" Naruto shook his head. Sasuke got up and went to where he was standing then pushed him against the wall and smashed their lips together. "Then don't." He said breaking the kiss. Naruto was panting slightly at the familiar kiss, it was the one that had sent him to oblivion before but it didn't work anymore. Before he didn't care who was kissing him, it didn't matter that it was Sasuke, all that matter was the feeling that sent him to oblivion, a combination of pain and pleasure that worked like a drug for him. Now however he was aware that it was Sasuke, it was always Sasuke and it had always been Sasuke, it was driving him crazy.

"Stop." Naruto turned his head so that he wouldn't look at the raven. "It doesn't work anymore."

"I won't let you go though. I won't lose you too."

"What should we do though? I'm only hurting you and I don't want that."

"I won't do it anymore if you don't want me to." Sasuke went back to his desk and Naruto went to sit on his bed. They stayed in silence for a while, Sasuke focused on his homework and Naruto contemplating the turnout in his life.

It was nice to have Sasuke around, he didn't want to lose that but he didn't want to hurt the raven either. Why did he have to me so messed up?

The rest of the weekend passed fast and Sasuke had kept his word. On Monday they went back to school as if nothing had happened and although Naruto started to have problems sleeping once he went back home Sasuke never followed him to the bathroom anymore. By Wednesday he couldn't take it anymore and remembering the bottle with sleeping pills in his pocket, he took it out and looked at it. What if he took all the pills left at once? Wouldn't that solve everyone's problems? Wouldn't that be the final oblivion? Wouldn't Sasuke be happier? He shook his head at the thought. Sasuke would start cutting again if he died. But none of them was happy at the moment so what good was there? If both of them died the pain would go away and it would all be over.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke's voice stopped his train of thought and his blue eyes looked tired at the raven.

"Nothing, just washed my face with some cold water to get me through the next class." He put the bottle in his pocket again. "This is the last week of school and Christmas is coming soon. What are you going to do on Christmas?"

"I spend Christmas with my family like everyone else." Sasuke said as if there was nothing absurd in spending a holyday in the graveyard but Naruto's heart skipped a bit as he understood the meaning of those words.

"I'll visit mom next week but they don't allow visitors during the holydays so I don't have plans. Do you want to do something together?"

"Like what? Go to the Fair? I don't like crowds."

"You can come over to my place for a few days so neither of us will be alone."

"That place gives you nightmares so you should come to mine instead." Naruto gave him a small smile then nodded.

"Do you want to skip?"

"Too tired again?"

"Something like that. Let's go to that storage room."

Naruto didn't know why he suggested that since they only used that room for their make out sessions but this time after locking the door behind him Sasuke leaned against the wall. Naruto went to the window and looked outside. It was snowing and he watched the small flakes land on the windowsill and turn into water drops. It was still too warm for them to last.

"This is awkward." He broke the silence after a while.

"Why?"

"We only came here to kiss, remember? Now it feels like there's nothing to do here."

"It's a storage room of course there is nothing to do."

"It used to mean so much to me, like a lifeline if it makes sense to you."

"You experienced oblivion here and that was your lifeline so yeah, it makes sense."

"Then why is it so empty now? Why is everything so empty? Why don't good things last?"

"Because you're afraid of them so you chase them away."

Naruto turned to Sasuke "Am I chasing you away?"

"You can't do that."

"I feel like I do though."

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Yes but it feels like you're out of my reach, like you're distant now." Sasuke went to the window to stand beside the blonde.

"I'm not out of your reach; all you have to do is raise your hand."

"That's not what I meant. I mean that it feels weird since you stopped kissing me like there's nothing left between us."

"Well it's not exactly like we had anything else going on. I'm not even sure we have anything in common except for the fact that we are broken beyond repair."

"I thought of taking the whole bottle of pills and end it all…"

"What stopped you?"

"You…you said you would stop cutting if I was here and I don't want you to hurt yourself again."

"I'm glad you didn't do it."

"But now that I'm still alive I want more, I want to be happy."

"Isn't that what everybody wants?"

"Where is it? Where is happiness?"

"I don't know where your happiness is, I guess you'll have to find it on your own. All I know is that mine is with you." Naruto's vision became blurred as warm tears formed in his eyes. Grabbing Sasuke's shirt he buried his face in Sasuke's neck to hide his tears.

Sasuke hesitated at first but as he felt his neck getting wet he wrapped his arms around the blonde. It felt awkward since he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what Naruto wanted, what he needed to feel better. He felt sad that he was not enough but he won't let go of his blonde no matter what.

Sasuke was brought back from his thoughts when Naruto brushed their lips together then kissed him gently. It was a soft long kiss that he didn't answer to and maybe that was why Naruto pulled back and looked away.

"Sorry." The blonde muttered and Sasuke let him go.

"Why?"

"I guess you didn't want that."

"You know I did."

"But you didn't kiss me back like you always did."

"Did you want me to? The last I did you asked me to stop."

Naruto sighed frustrated "I know, I just….I miss it."

"Don't worry, you'll find the right person one day. They're not all like Sakura."

"How can you stand next to me and not kiss me if you really love me?"

"I can because I love you. You made it clear that I'm not good enough for you since I'm a guy but I have my pride and I'm not going to act as a replacement." These last words stabbed Naruto like a dagger. "You know…I didn't tell you before because I was selfish and I thought I had a chance with you but there is a girl in school who likes you. She's shy and Sakura and her friends bully her sometimes but she's nice, unlike Sakura's bunch. Her name is Hinata Hyuuga, Neji's cousin."

"You want me to date her?"

"No….just give her a chance, you may find your happiness." Sasuke turned to leave but Naruto grabbed his wrist.

"But wouldn't you lose yours if I do?"

"I'll still be here, dobe."

"But that doesn't answer my question." Sasuke drew his hand from the blonde's grip.

"I don't have anything to lose because I never had your love to begin with." Sasuke left the room, leaving the key on a shelf by the door.

Christmas came fast and Sasuke went to visit his parent's graves. He hadn't seen Naruto since school ended and he assumed that the blonde took his advice and asked Hinata out. He took a single white rose from the bouquet of roses and baby breath that lay on his parent's grave and twisted it between his fingers contemplating the flower. It was beautiful, no wonder it had been his mother's favorite. It held an elegance and refinement unseen in other flowers and yet it had thorns that would hurt you if you touched it.

It was pretty much like Naruto, he had been attracted to the blonde and he touched him, then he got hurt. He knew he would too just like he knew he would when he picked this rose.

A tiny drop of blood tainted the white snow but Sasuke did nothing to stop the bleeding. It stung and he welcomed the sensation as he continued to focus on the white petals.

Naruto was like a rose…how come he didn't notice this before then the obvious occurred to him. It was because the first thing you see in a rose is the beautiful flower not the thorns. You see the flower and you forget about the thorns although you know they exist. You are attracted to it instantly and you want to touch it but then you are reminded of what you chose to forget.

"Sasuke." He wasn't expecting anyone to be in the graveyard on Christmas Eve and the only person who knew he would be here was Naruto. He turned around to look at the blonde blue eyed boy as he came closer. "You're hurt." Naruto pointed at his finger then grabbed his hand to examine the small wound closely.

"It's nothing, dobe. I touched a thorn as I took the rose out of the bouquet." Naruto licked the blood drop on his finger.

"Now why would you do that?"

"Why are you here, idiot?"

"Can you stop calling me names?"

"Only an idiot would come to the graveyard on Christmas Eve without a reason."

"I do have a reason. I came looking for you."

"Why?"

"I asked Hinata on a date."

"And you came here, on this day to tell me that?"

"Let me finish, teme. We went out a few times in these past few days and we spent quite some time together and you were right, she's nice. She doesn't mind my past or my scars. It was nice and fun until she kissed me. I tried to brush my thoughts away but every time we kissed it was the same." Sasuke burst into a fit of laughter and Naruto looked at him annoyed.

"So she's a bad kisser?"

"No, but when we kissed I could only think of you." Sasuke's smile faded and he placed the rose along with others on the grave. "I broke up with her yesterday." Naruto wrapped his arms around the slightly taller boy who still had to say something. "Why can't I get you out of my mind?"

Sasuke turned around and wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist while Naruto wrapped his around the raven's neck.

"I don't have an answer to that." Naruto brought their lips together and this time Sasuke kissed him back. He was gentle at first but after a while his suppressed lust took the better of him and he moved to bite Naruto's neck then lick, leaving a wet trail that the blonde would definitely feel in the cold air. "That's going to leave a mark."

"It's ok but I don't think we should be doing this here."

"Your place or mine?"

Their clothes were already discarded but Sasuke didn't want to rush things. He wasn't sure yet if it was the right thing to do so he wanted to test the ground. Naruto moaned as Sasuke sucked his nipple then moved to lick his belly and leave a trail of kissed on it. He shivered slightly as a cold wind blew through the opened window and his hand moved to grab Sasuke with a deep desire to make the raven feel as good as he felt but said raven grabbed his wrist when his fingers brushed the bare skin he was aiming for.

"Are you sure you don't want me to close the window?" the raven asked. "You're shivering."

"I'll burst if you do."

"You'll catch a cold if I don't."

"Just don't." Sasuke straddled Naruto and brushed the mark he had made before with his pale fingers. Blue eyes looked at him confused but Naruto said nothing.

"I wish everyone could see this mark and know that you belong to me. The mark will fade though and what about then? Where will we stand then?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"But you said it once yourself that although I'm right beside you it feels like I'm out of reach. I feel the same about you even now."

"I'll take you in then we'll be the closest we can get."

"We've done that before and it meant nothing to you."

"Then let me show you that I'm serious this time." Naruto switched their position easily and Sasuke closed his eyes as he felt Naruto's wet tongue teasing him. Then he felt the back of the blonde's throat and his warmth enveloping him in spite of the cold air in the room and he lost his control. His hand moved in Naruto's hair with a deep desire to feel the blonde more. He was panting and he never remember himself feel so vulnerable and weak like he felt then.

"Stop." He cried and he hated how his voice had sounded. He didn't want Naruto to ever see him like that but it was too late now.

"Did I do something wrong?" The blonde asked with innocent shyness and Sasuke wondered how could he even think that he did something wrong when he turned Sasuke into an overused rag with just his mouth.

"No….it's just that…I'm at my limit. I don't want to cum in your mouth." Naruto smiled gaining his confidence once again.

"I do though." He smirked as he began to apply the raven his treatment. Sasuke's head snapped backwards as he released in Naruto's mouth. He was panting and felt weak and Naruto was still not done since he was licking him clean.

"Damn it Naruto."

"Am I still out if reach to you?"

"I can't think strait right now to have a proper conversation." Naruto giggled and blushed slightly. "Come here." Naruto moved on top of Sasuke and kissed him.

"Are you hard?" Sasuke asked with a smirk and Naruto became bright red with embarrassment. "You should take care of that, don't you think?"

"You're so mean." Naruto pouted. "Shouldn't you be doing that?"

"No, I don't think I can get up yet."

"You can use your hand."

"Too tired." Naruto moved away and positioning himself between the raven's legs he pushed himself in without a warning. Sasuke grabbed the sheets until his knuckles turned white but did not complain at the sudden pain. The blonde gave him a moment to adjust then began thrusting as his hand was mimicking the motion around the raven. "I wonder if this is what oblivion feels like."

"This is even better that that."


	3. Chapter 3

I want to try and understand your reasons." Sakura was at his desk, leaning against it but Sasuke's gaze drifted to Naruto hoping to get caught staring just to see his expression. He wanted Naruto to be jealous but he wouldn't get his hopes up too much. Naruto was not like most people, he was broken just like Sasuke, but in a different way.

"Understand what?" he asked still not looking at her.

"Why you cut your wrists? It wasn't on a whim, I know that." Her hand reached his, making him look at her hand that rest on top of his.

"Why?" Snatching his hand away he let it rest on his knee, away from her reach but she didn't seem to mind the gesture, or if she did she didn't show it.

"Because I love you." There was a moment of silence between them and he took the opportunity to look at Naruto again. "My feelings for you haven't changed since you showed me the scar. I also didn't tell anyone. Naruto saw too though…" Her gaze moved to the blonde too and for a brief moment he met the blue eyes. "Why did you let him see?"

"He already knew."

"Does he also know why?"

"Why do you care what he knows? I thought you wanted to know why I did it."

"I do. It's just that…you two are not even close and he knows but Ino, Karin and I don't." Not even close….the words rang in Sasuke's ears over and over again like an echo. If she knew what they had done, what they had been through…and yet he felt that she was right. Naruto's heart didn't belong to him in spite of everything they did, it was trapped in his past. What they did was just to mend their wounds in the only way they knew how which wasn't destructive. But it was alright, it was more than he ever had after his family's death.

"What will you do after you know?"

"I'll try to help you, of course. I know you don't have a family anymore and it must be hard…"

"What if I told you I was gay?" Her green eyes looked at him confused but then her expression softened.

"Are you trying to make me go away? It won't work. You need to talk to someone and I want to be here for you."

"Talking doesn't make the nightmares go away and besides…you ran away when you saw the cuts." Standing up, he left the room to go to the bathroom. He didn't want to let Sakura know about his life. She already knew that his family was dead, the whole school did, and he was alright with that as long as that was all that they knew. One of the reasons why he moved so far away from his home was to make sure that he started anew in a place where people didn't know that his family was murdered and that his brother was the murderer. He broke contact with his cousins and other relatives and only told Kakashi, a family friend, of his plans.

There was a knock on the door and he hoped it was Naruto but Naruto never knocked on the boy's bathroom door.

"I really meant that, Sasuke. Can't you give me a chance?" Sakura's voice came from the other side and he let out a sigh.

Opening the door he faced her for what he hoped to be the last time that day.

"I watched them die and I dream that day at night." He said before he left her speechless in the middle of the hallway. It wasn't entirely true since Naruto had managed to keep the nightmares away lately but it wasn't a lie either. It was more than she needed to know.

"Maybe I can distract you if you accept to date me. I really love you, Sasuke." He stopped in his tracks and turning around to face her once again he gave her a blank look.

"My heart belongs to someone else though."

"It doesn't look like she makes you happy, though." She cried exasperated and her emerald green eyes became blurred with warm tears that ruined her makeup.

She had not believed him when he told her that he was gay, Sasuke noticed, but he wouldn't press on that matter. "But I still can't love you."

As he entered the classroom once again, Sasuke noticed that Naruto was gone so he grabbed his bag and left once again to look for the blonde. He didn't feel like staying in class after all this anyway.

He found Naruto on the roof some time later, sitting on the rail and looking downwards at the concrete paved yard bellow and his heart skipped a bit as he was reminded of the day when Naruto tried to jump from the bridge and end his life. Had nothing changed in their lives at all since then? Was he not able to make a difference in Naruto's life at all?

He wrapped his hands around the blonde's waist and rested his head on Naruto's back, enjoying the warmth of the blonde's body.

"Why don't you give her a chance?" Naruto asked still not looking at Sasuke. "She loves you and might actually make you happy."

"She can't make me happy."

"I can't either. Maybe you would be better off without whatever is going on between us."

"I'm happy with whatever I have going on with you."

"But you are still trapped in your past. You can't be happy that way."

"You know what the difference between us is? I'm only trapped in my past at night, in my nightmares but you still belong to him although he is already dead."

Naruto turned around and Sasuke let go of him so that he could get down from the rail. "I never belonged to him."

"You always did. He scarred your mind more than your body."

"I'm free now…." Naruto yelled "you said it yourself…" then added softly.

"That's what I thought when I saw the news but I was wrong. His teachings, his twisted love is still all you know. Why can't you see that I love you? Not like him but like one should really love someone? Why can't you get over the fact that I'm a guy?"

"I did get over the fact that you are a guy but I can't get over the fact that I can't give you all you need. You deserve better and maybe Sakura can give you that."

"Do you really want her to? Wouldn't you feel anything if I started dating her?"

Naruto didn't answer right away. He wanted to say that he wouldn't but that would be a lie since he knew he would. If Sasuke dated Sakura then he would be out of Naruto's reach for good and then…his life would be empty again, meaningless and haunted by him. What was the meaning of life anyway? Was he meant to be someone's toy or was there more to it?

"I would…but then I would be selfish. I can't do that." Sasuke grabbed his wrist so tight that it hurt and Naruto was surprised but didn't flinch. The pain was nothing new.

"I want you to be and I don't want you to have any doubts anymore." Sasuke's obsidian eyes pierced Naruto's blue ones and all he could see was an empty endless void and sadness. The void that had always been there and he didn't seem to be good enough to fill it no matter how hard he tried.

Tears watered the scarred cheeks and Naruto whipped them with the back of his sleeve. "Sometimes I wonder if he can see me from wherever he is…if he knows what I've done…what we have done. I can even see his expression of disgust and hear him say 'no son of mine is gay, you need to be punished' and then I wonder if I'm not just using you to get back at him."

"Why do you still give him so much power over you even in death?"

"I can't get rid of him no matter what I do and mother can't either. I visited her and although he is dead she said that it doesn't feel like he is." Sasuke let go of Naruto's wrist and leaned against the rail. "I'm a monster, aren't I? I need you so much and yet all I do is to use you."

"I never thought of you as a monster." Sasuke tried to keep his blank expression but deep down he was overwhelmed with emotions. Ever since his family died, Naruto had been the only one who ever stirred his interest and emotions and he had been intrigued by the blonde who had so much power over him but he never expected things to be so complicated between them. Was there a happily ever after in life like there was in the movies or was it all just a lie meant for a weak audience who couldn't take reality the way it was? "It hurts though…to be used like that. I would have never allowed it if I knew earlier." He grabbed his bag from the floor, where he left it earlier and left the crying blonde behind.

It was finally Friday and Sasuke had not spoken to Naruto since that day on the roof. The blonde was on his mind though but he felt that they both needed some space, at least he did.

Sakura had come back again and again trying to make him to open up to her assuming that his nightmares distracted him and urging him to talk about them. He would not share that with anyone else, his run to Konoha would be useless if he did and he didn't want to tell her what was really distracting him either.

"Will you stop trying to make me talk about my nightmares if I take you on a date?" He asked her when he got tired of avoiding her. She looked at him surprised and smiled a bright smile. It was so easy for him to make her happy but why was it so hard to make Naruto happy?

"Will you pick me up?" she asked, her smile never fading.

"Yes. I'll take you to lunch tomorrow."

"You should really try talking about your problems though. If you don't want to tell me, fine but you need help. I hate seeing you like this."

When he got home, Sasuke felt tired, emotionally tired more than physically. Falling on his bed he looked at the ceiling wondering what he got himself into. Where did that date idea come from anyway? He didn't like Sakura, not even as a friend and he never looked forward to her company and yet he asked her. Was it to shut her up? Deep down he knew that the real reason was to distract himself from Naruto and to prevent his falling again.

A knock on the door brought him back from his thoughts and he dragged his feet to the door not looking forward to any company.

Naruto was standing in front of his door with a guilty expression on his face and Sasuke made room for him to come in then closed the door. There was a brief moment of silence before Naruto spoke.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you but that's all I did." Raising his eyes from the ground he looked at Sasuke and his expression changed to concern. The one standing in front of him was not the Sasuke he knew. The Sasuke he knew was composed, confident and with a blank expression that Naruto could never read. He had always worn his Greek god mask perfectly but now he looked tired, worn out, broken. "Are you alright?" Was the first thing he could say after seeing his friend like that but Sasuke didn't answer and why would he when the answer was so obvious? "I really want us to work, Sasuke. I do need you more than I like to admit."

Heading into the kitchen, the raven started to make some coffee. It was more a distraction from Naruto's blue eyes that he wasn't ready to face yet. "Tea?" He asked the blonde who had silently followed him into the kitchen.

"Yeah." Filling the kettle with fresh water he put it on the stove then took his time to grab a cup, the tea and sugar. "Sasuke please say something." Naruto was growing concerned and impatient.

"What do you want me to say? I don't want to say something that I'm going to regret later. I already did that."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm taking Sakura on a date tomorrow." Sasuke would have liked to see Naruto's expression but he was too afraid to look so he pretended to be busy with his coffee.

"So that's why she was so happy… Well, I guess a new start would be good for you." There was a bit of sadness in the blonde's voice but Sasuke couldn't tell whether it was because he liked Sakura or because Sasuke was dating someone else. He didn't dare believe it was the second not even after all they had been through.

"It's not a start. I just wanted her to shut up and leave me alone and that's what came out of my mouth without my consent." He was about to break even more but he would not allow himself to.

Naruto wrapped his arms around his waist and any other time Sasuke would have enjoyed that but this time he became stiff. "What's wrong, Sasuke? Tell me…"

"I wish I knew. I always thought I was ok with the way we were although I was in love with you but I guess at some point that changed. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything though, I don't blame you."

Although Sasuke said that he didn't blame Naruto and that he shouldn't feel guilty the blonde still did. He wished that he could give Sasuke oblivion but that didn't work for the raven, only sleeping pills and pain did. And if Sasuke needed pain to feel better, in this condition he might take it too far and that scared Naruto more than anything.

"I'll stay here tonight and tomorrow we can do homework together before your date."

The water in the kettle was boiling and Sasuke removed Naruto's arms to get busy once again. When he gave Naruto the cup of tea the only distraction he had left was his own cup of coffee which was hardly enough. He thought how he felt about Naruto's offer. Under normal circumstances he would be happy but now…

"You don't have to. I told you before that I don't want your pity."

"I don't pity you, I'm just concerned…."

"You don't have to be. I'm not going to kill myself just because I have a date with Sakura tomorrow."

"I want to though. I don't want to go home to his ghost."

"His ghost is only in your head and it will follow you everywhere for as long as you let it to."

"You can distract me from it though."

"Not for too long though." Sasuke sat down at the table and slowly sipped his coffee.

"I'm fucked up, aren't I? I can't even get away from him when he's dead."

"You just need to move on, take what's in front of you and look into the future."

Naruto let out a sigh and finishing his tea he stood up and took the empty cup to the sink.

"I'll cook dinner. What do you want?" Sasuke looked at him slightly confused.

"You can cook?" Naruto turned to give him an angry look although he wasn't that angry, as a matter of fact he was rather amused.

"I think I can manage to fix something without burning the house down." Sasuke let a chuckle escape his lips and Naruto laughed.

"I made you laugh!" He was happy that he managed to change Sasuke's mood and make him feel better.

"I didn't laugh."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Fine, whatever. So what do want for dinner?"

"Surprise me with your skills." Sasuke smirked and Naruto grinned.

"You're on."

Naruto went to open the fridge and see what Sasuke had in the kitchen that he could use and Sasuke watched him move around, opening cupboards and the pantry.

"You're awfully quiet." Naruto broke the silence as he took some stuff out of the pantry.

"I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"You…"

"Me?" Naruto asked confused.

"Are you mad at me for taking Sakura on a date tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't be here if I was."

"Do you still like her?" Naruto put the knife that he was using to cut the fish on the counter and turned to face Sasuke.

"I think I'm getting over her. It's not like I have a chance with her anyway. She loves you."

"So this is not going to change things between us?"

"Your date tomorrow? No." Sasuke nodded pleased with Naruto's answer.

"Do you need any help?"

"You can cut the potatoes if you want."

Naruto finished washing the dishes after dinner and went to Sasuke's room. The raven laid on his bed with his headphones on so Naruto decided to just lie beside him. Sasuke stopped the music and took the headphones off then turned to Naruto who was looking at the ceiling lost in thoughts.

His hand reached the blonde's and squeezed it slightly before his muscles relaxed once again.

"You know, when he was alive the only thing I thought about was how to spite him, how to prove to him that I can make my own life and turn out a normal, decent person with my own rules. I ended up far from where I thought I would be, far from the person I would be proud to be. And I can't help but wonder where did it all go wrong?"

"Things go wrong all the time Naruto but you need to try to make them right, try to be happy. Let him see you happy."

Naruto let out a small, sad laughter. "That would definitely spite him."

"Then show him a happy Naruto."

Naruto turned to Sasuke and looked into the dark abyss in his eyes and after a moment that seemed an eternity his hand reached Sasuke's cheek. "What about the happy Sasuke?"

"That comes with happy Naruto. Get that first and you'll get the second."

"Is it that easy to scare the demons away?"

"They're demons of the past, Naruto. They're not here, only their memory is."

Sasuke couldn't help but notice the amount of effort that Sakura had made to look pretty on their date. Too bad it was all going to waste because he was not impressed.

He took her to a nice restaurant, not too eccentric or expensive but with a pleasant atmosphere and good food at a decent price. Nothing romantic though. He didn't want to give her the wrong impression.

"I'm glad we're doing this, Sasuke." She said as she fiddled with her glass filled with a nonalcoholic cocktail. "I want to get to know you better. You've been so distant in school, so enigmatic… Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad and many girls love that at a man but in order to have a healthy relationship people need to know each other better, don't you think?"

"Sakura, I only want to use this opportunity to make you understand once and for all that I'm not interested." He said with a tired voice as he flipped the menu. He was getting tired of explain this to her. "I didn't lie to you when I said I was gay."

"Alright. So then is there someone you're interested in?"

"Yes."

"Are you dating him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

"I have plenty of time to listen to your explanation."

Once de decided what he was going to order he closed the menu and put it on the table. "I don't think I have to explain it to you." He was rude but he wasn't trying to be nice, just trying to make certain things clear for her once and for all.

"Maybe it's complicated because you don't click."

He raised an eyebrow at her in a questioning manner. "Click?"

A waiter came to take their order and after they told him their choices he left taking the menus with him.

"Yes" she resumed their previous conversation "maybe you don't match, he's not good for you."

"Maybe, but I still love him."

"Don't you think you are wasting your time with him? You need to move on and try to be happy."

"And you think I should do that with you?"

"I would like that but if you're gay…" After an awkward moment in which she fiddles with her glass some more she asked "Do I know him?"

"That is something you don't need to know."

"Why are you so mean, Sasuke? I'm just trying to get to know you better."

"How do I know you won't try to use that information to make someone miserable?"

"I wouldn't do that. Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

He didn't answer her but the look he gave her was a clear 'yes'.

"Don't get used to this Sakura." He warned her.

"How did it go?" Naruto asked when Sasuke entered the apartment. Naruto had stayed just like he said he would and waited patiently for him to come back from his date with Sakura.

"She's persistent and annoying but at least I think I made some things clear for her this time." Sasuke said as he took off his shoes and coat then hung his coat in the closet beside the door.

"Now what?" Naruto asked.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked confused.

"Where do we stand, Sasuke? I need to know."

Sasuke grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bedroom pushing him on the bed. Naruto almost expected Sasuke to straddle him and kiss him but instead Sasuke moved to a drawer from which he picked some clothes to change in.

"I need to know that too, dobe and I want to make it clear as fast as possible, once and for all." He proceeded to undress and although he had his back at Naruto he could feel the other's gaze on him. It felt good to have that effect on the blonde.

Naruto watched him undress and bit his lip. He couldn't help but be disappointed that Sasuke didn't make a move on him but maybe it was for the best. They needed to set things straight between them. Up until then they had been fooling around, giving into their needs and using each other but that wasn't enough anymore. They had no one else in their lives, nowhere to turn to and no one to trust, just each other.

He wanted to say the words but his feelings were messed up and confusing and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Sasuke more. Sasuke needed to hear them but not if Naruto didn't mean them.

'I love you.' The words sound like an echo in Naruto's mind vibrating in never ending ripples. He wasn't foreign to them. He had heard them countless times from him and from Sasuke but what did they mean? Did they reflect his feelings for Sasuke or what he felt was just need and lust?

He needed more time to figure things out but he had no more. Sasuke was breaking apart in front of him…

Sasuke had finished changing and was leaning against the wall with his hands folded over his chest, waiting.

Naruto's gaze moved from Sasuke's feet up to his chest and then his eyes and stayed there as if looking for the answer to his question which had been there all along. Not breaking eye contact he stood up and went to Sasuke, his hand cupping the pale cheek. Sasuke didn't pull back and was grateful for that.

"I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. Does that mean that I love you too?" Sasuke's expression became softer when he saw how confused Naruto was.

"Don't leave me. Ever." Sasuke stressed out the last word and carefully watched Naruto's expression.

Naruto thought about Sasuke's demand for a moment but didn't find anything wrong with it. "I won't. We'll be together even in death."

Sasuke pushed him on the other side of the room and he fell on the bed when he lost his balance then was straddled and long, pale finger wrapped around his neck. The touch was firm but not uncomfortable, just enough to make him unable to move his head and when Sasuke brought their lips together he was on fire. Their lower parts touched and Naruto suddenly hated the soft fabric that was denying him Sasuke's warmth. One of his hands reached Sasuke's hair and his finger brushed the black bangs while the other went on Sasuke's back, lifting his shirt and tracing the spine.

As sudden as it all began Sasuke broke the kiss and his hand left Naruto's neck. The blonde already hated the lack of contact and gave Sasuke a puzzled look.

"You won't take those words back, will you?" Sasuke asked and he shook his head. "Do you want me to stop now?" he shook his head again and Sasuke didn't need anything else to attack his neck, sucking and licking at random places and Naruto moved his head backwards to give him better access.

"I want you." Sasuke whispered in his ear making him shiver.

"Then take your clothes off." Naruto discarded his clothes in a pile on the floor as soon as Sasuke was off of him, hungry for more warm contact.

When Sasuke straddled him again, pinning him on the bed and immobilizing his arms his heart was racing in his chest. Sasuke resumed where he left off and Naruto was once again on fire. His erection was touching Sasuke's and the raven's tongue was teasing his sensitive skin on the neck.

Letting go of his arms Sasuke left a few butterfly kisses on his chest until he reached his nipples. Naruto left a moan when Sasuke sucked gently.

"Stop teasing me." He managed to say trying to catch his breath.

"I'm not teasing you. I'm doing this right."

"Does this mean that we are dating now?" Sasuke sucked hard on the nipple then let it go.

"If you want."

"So then this would be our first time as boyfriends…" Naruto pointed out and the words felt right. He would like to date Sasuke, keep him sane and alive.

"It would. Close your eyes." Naruto did as he was told, waiting patiently for what was to come. His eyes snapped open when he felt Sasuke's tongue caressing the tip.

"Teme, you're driving me crazy." Sasuke took him into his mouth, stoking a few times and coating him in saliva.

"What do you know? And I'm not even a girl." Sasuke smirked and Naruto couldn't help but feel frustrated since Sasuke seemed to have fun at his expense.

"I wonder if you know how I feel right now." Naruto pouted.

"Sure I do. It's written all over your face." Sasuke slowly licked the length, his eyes never leaving Naruto's who bit his lip. "It's called lust."

"Are you done making fun of me?" Naruto asked irritated.

"I wasn't making fun of you, I was teasing you but I'm glad that for once you seem to see me and not Sakura or him."

Naruto's head went backwards when he felt Sasuke's warmth envelope him entirely. A warm hand grabbed his neck just under the chin, preventing him from moving his head as Sasuke worked him faster and faster. He was going insane, he wanted to move but not to escape and his hands wrapped around Sasuke's hand on his neck.

"Sasu..ke." he whimpered tightening the grip on the pale arm, his fingers leaving red marks. He was going to explode soon and just when he couldn't take it anymore Sasuke's grip also tightened around his neck.

It was soon over as he spilled in Sasuke's mouth and felt both relieved and sad when Sasuke's mouth left him but it was short lived when Sasuke's tongue teased his hole and two fingers penetrated him slowly.

"Sasuke…." He moaned.

"I love it when you call my name while you make those sounds."

Sasuke's mouth enveloped him once again while his fingers were stroking him deeper and deeper. He let a loud moan escape his lips when Sasuke touched a sensitive spot inside and he figured that Sasuke must have enjoyed that since he hit the same spot over and over, faster and faster as his mouth matched the rhythm of his fingers.

Naruto felt all the strength in his body leave him and his hands fell on the bed, his fingers wrapping around the fabric of the sheets.

He was at his limit again, worn out like a rag and he had done nothing for Sasuke. Guilt came over him but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't move.

"Sasuke, I'm gonna…" He tried to warn the raven but couldn't finish.

"Not yet." Sasuke left him hard as his lips moved to tease the nipples once again.

"The fuck, Sasuke?" The raven moved on top of him and gave him a questioning look. "Are you enjoying this?" Naruto tried to sound angry but couldn't do a good job at it.

"Yes."

"I'm going to explode."

"Fine." Positioning himself on top of Naruto, Sasuke took him in in one swift motion. His back bent in an ark as he let his head fall backwards, mouth slightly opened. It hurt but it was alright. Naruto was inside of him and it was alright. He embraced this pain. He spent a moment to just feel Naruto inside of him. Naruto was at his limit and Sasuke figured he would spill at the slightest movement and it was alright. He started to move slowly, savoring the feeling but soon he needed more contact so he grabbed Naruto's lips with his, kissing hungrily and the blonde did the same.

Naruto came inside of him and he stopped to give Naruto a break to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?" Naruto was panting hard but nodded.

"I can't believe I already came twice inside you."

"I can't believe you wanted to come inside me for once. You don't regret it, do you?" He asked a bit afraid of the answer but Naruto shook his head. He shifted a bit until Naruto was half way out and his hand reached the spot where Naruto was penetrating him. His fingers were soon covered in Naruto's fluids but he didn't mind.

"I only want this with you." He said as his fingers wrapped around Naruto "I only want you inside of me. Can you understand that?"

"Does that desire come with love?" Naruto asked.

"Yes." He licked Naruto's fluids from his fingers. "Can you also keep yourself only for me?"

"Yes." Sasuke kissed him again with passion. He was happy to hear those words coming from Naruto. This time there will be no regrets. "Can I feel you too inside of me?" Naruto asked breaking the kiss for a brief moment.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Naruto took Sasuke in his mouth as his fingers thrust him, hitting that sensitive spot, getting coated in his own cum and Sasuke's fingers went in his hair.

"You'll have to stop now if you don't want me to come in your mouth." Sasuke warned him.

"You tasted me and I want to taste you too." Naruto licked him clean, his tongue running over him and sending Sasuke over the edge then licked his fingers. Sucking the tip one more time, Naruto pulled back and straddling Sasuke he positioned himself slowly. He couldn't do it as fast as Sasuke and he couldn't bare the pain as well as Sasuke did but Sasuke wrapped his hands around the blonde's waist and waited patiently for him to be ready.

He let out a few moans as Sasuke slid deeper and deeper inside. The feeling was different than the first time but he didn't know why.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was thinking that this seems different form last time. This time I can really feel you inside of me not just something inside me."

"Good."

Naruto started to move and his eyes closed as he focused on the feeling in his lower body. Warm fingers wrapped around him, stroking him gently in tandem with his own movement and soft lips sucked on a spot on his neck. This feeling was what he used to call pleasure but now it had a different name, Sasuke. The fingers, the lips the fluids spilling inside him, it was all Sasuke and it was overwhelming.

His mind drifted to him once again but he decided to listen to Sasuke and not give him the power.

'Look at me!' Nruto demanded, looking upwards at the man hovering above him. 'I have a man inside of me.' The man's face twisted in a scowl definitely disapproving. 'He's touching me and you know what? I like it. I like him. I like to feel him.'

His movement became faster and he let a moan as the sensitive spot inside was hit over and over again. He came in Sasuke's hand and Sasuke came inside him once again but he didn't stop.

'Look at me! I have survived and I can finally be happy. I have someone who accepts me the way I am although I'm not perfect. He's not perfect either but that's alright. We're broken but we're together.'

He collapsed on top of Sasuke, exhausted but content. 'You were perfect and had everything but what did you have? Neither mom nor I loved you.' The face screamed in anger, frustration and pain. He lost his control over his son. Everything that he had tried to teach his son had been in vain. Naruto smiled as his image in his head disappeared into the darkness and all that was left was Sasuke holding him tight.


End file.
